By Mazi Uche Ohia
Every Igbo family, no matter how dignified, polished, educated, prayerful, or well-behaved, has one universal problem: a rascal known in local parlance as Agafu. The family rascal is considered as an embarrassment to the family and looked upon with disdain. And if you think your family does not have one, look well, you may be the rascal.
In Igbo culture, the family rascal is not just a nuisance – no, no, no – he or she (because women have entered the ministry of rascality too) is a strategic asset. A necessary weapon. A biological insurance policy. A human guard dog. A spiritual fire extinguisher. The one person who can do the things the rest of the family only rehearse in their minds but cannot execute because of respect, upbringing, fear of God, or fear of police.
There is a reason our ancestors coined the immortal saying: “Onweghi ihe anaghi ahu na obi ogaranya.” (There is nothing you will not see in a wealthy household.) Hidden inside that proverb is a deeper meaning: No matter how respectable a family is, there will always be that one family member who did not read the family handbook.
The rascal is born differently. While other children cry softly at birth, this one comes out shouting, “Who dey there?” In school, while others are writing a quiet essay titled “My Mother” this one is submitting a threat letter to the class bully. While siblings are reading Agric textbooks, this one is learning how to be stubborn and to harras people. He grows up with one special gift: no fear. Not fear of teachers, fear of elders, fear of rivals, fear of police, fear of family meeting, fear of disgrace, or even fear of consequences.
His middle name is “Try Me”. Every family needs such a person because level-headed people are too gentle for the wickedness of this world.
Let us be honest: Igbo families are full of Ndi ezigbo mmadu – good, reasonable adults who believe in peace, negotiation, diplomacy, and “talking things out.” But peace does not always work. Diplomacy does not always work. Negotiation sometimes makes sense only to the negotiator. Sometimes what the family really needs is a certified troublemaker who can jump into the matter like a lion that has not eaten breakfast.
When someone drags your family land? The rascal is already wearing slippers and shouting, “Where them dey?” When your neighbour insults your mother? The rascal is swiftly outside, shouting loudly: “Come and repeat it outside!” When a family member is being cheated or harassed? The rascal takes over the battle without blinking an eye. While peaceful family members are inside discussing law, order, scripture and constitution, the rascal is already outside dragging the culprit by the shirt and demanding public apology.
Every successful Igbo household balances three types of people:
▪️The Wise One – Quotes proverbs, drinks palm wine slowly, speaks once and settles disputes.
▪️The Prayerful One – Anoints everything including the generator, the car keys, and the family group chat.
▪️The Rascal – Appears from nowhere shouting: “Who born you? Who be your papa?” You no dey fear face?
This third person – the rascal – is the real backbone of the family. You might think your family integrity is based on wealth. Or love. Or prayers. Or your father’s wisdom. No, my dear. The real reason nobody insults your family is because the community knows your rascal is alive and healthy. People fear him. People respect boundaries because of him. Even the village troublemakers, the kind that fight from Monday to Sunday, greet your family respectfully because they know your own agafu is crazier than them. Simple.
Do you know that a family rascal is also a security spirit? A traditional thunderbolt? A human charm? Let me explain. The enemies of your family will always find ways to antagonise you. When spiritual attacks fail, they try social attacks. When social attacks fail, they try emotional manipulation. When emotional manipulation fails, they try intimidation. But when they remember your family rascal? They cancel the plan. The evil people don’t want to be the next viral video on social media.
When the rascal travels, the family becomes vulnerable. Land-grabbers start taking measurements. Neighbours suddenly become bold. People who used to greet you with respect now greet you with one eye. Children who avoid your family in their mischievous stunts start taking things for granted.
Once your rascal comes back from Aba, Lagos or Onitsha or Port Harcourt, the air changes.
Land disputes pause. Everyone becomes cautious. The family name regains weight. This is why a rascal must never be allowed to relocate permanently. If he must travel outside the community, he needs to be returning every Christmas like a migrating eagle. Culture must be maintained. Many families lament the presence of the rascal in their family and how his conduct is tarnishing the image of the family but the truth is that any family without a rascal is in trouble. If a family lacks a rascal, you will notice some outcomes:
▪️They get cheated easily
▪️Their neighbours disrespect them
▪️Their land mysteriously reduces in size
▪️People borrow money without returning it
▪️The family is always “settling” instead of “demanding settlement”.
In fact, an Igbo family without a rascal is like a community meeting without colanut or a traditional wedding without palm wine – pointless, powerless, and easily dismissed.
Every family must ask the important national question: “Who is our rascal?” If the answer is “nobody,” then I pity you. Your family is living a life of unnecessary public embarrassment. Give birth to one or hire one immediately, if necessary. Do you know the funniest thing? After the rascal finishes fighting the world on behalf of the family, he returns home and becomes the gentlest person, eating quietly and asking with a smirk: “Ehen, I hope I did not overdo it?”. Overdo ke? My brother, please do more! The world is wicked! We need your madness.
In the modern world, a family rascal is viewed as an aberration. The truth, however, is that the rascal is the person who will say what everyone is afraid to say, do what everyone is afraid to do and act when others are debating. Igbo culture understands that peace is good but peace without backbone is begging for trouble. A little controlled madness is necessary for survival and for deterrence and harmony. This is why our ancestors wisely produced at least one rascal per family.
The rascal is a cultural safety valve. A human thunderstorm. A protector with unpredictable voltage. Without him, the family becomes an orphan in the village square.
My people, love your rascals.
Celebrate them.
Feed them well.
Do not discourage them.
Do not send them away.
Do not over-civilize them.
When trouble comes, it is not the Ph.D holder who will save you.
It is not the prayer warrior who will confront the enemy physically.
It is the rascal – the unstoppable, fearless, shameless, family defender.
If your family has one, rejoice.
If your family has two, move with pride.
If your family has none, start fasting and prayer.
This is not funny but if you must laugh, laugh responsibly.
(Mazi Uche Ohia, lawyer, farmer, cultural advocate, public intellectual and former Commissioner for Tourism, Culture & Creative Arts, Imo State, writes from Arondizuogu)
